When it comes to work, mothers seem to be caught in a double bind. Those who choose to work from home, taking care of their children and managing household chores, are often judged for being “spoiled.” On the other hand, mothers who work outside the home face professional prejudice and struggle with exhausting work hours. Whether they work in the home or outside of it, mothers often bear the brunt of the emotional and cognitive load.
But there is a growing trend of women who are embracing traditional gender roles, referred to as “tradwives.” These women often share their domestic life on social media and portray the joys of not working, all while pocketing thousands of dollars in brand deals. However, this image of a carefree and blissful homemaker is far from the reality for most women.
The term “tradwife” is often associated with an online, ultraconservative performance, according to Merriam-Webster. This is not a regular stay-at-home mother; rather, a “tradwife” is someone who actively promotes and adheres to traditional gender roles. One example is Ballerina Farm, a social media account managed by Hannah Neeleman, the wife of a billionaire’s son. Her idyllic, “cottagecore” aesthetic and seemingly rustic lifestyle may seem charming on the surface, but it is far from the chaotic reality of being a stay-at-home mother.
As someone who has worked as a cleaner, housekeeper, and au pair, I have seen firsthand the pressure and expectations placed on women who try to embody the “tradwife” image. The women I worked for would often put on a show of being the perfect homemaker, proving to everyone that they did not need to work outside the home and that they were the best at not working.
But behind the scenes, I was often working long after my stated hours, going above and beyond to meet their unrealistic standards. I would scrub and polish, clean up their failed attempts at cooking, and perform tasks that were not even part of my job description. I even had to lay out pre-weighed and pre-chopped ingredients so they could “make” dinner in front of their friends, all while maintaining a perfect appearance. This level of performance was not only exhausting but also humiliating at times.
Dolly Parton once said, “It takes a lot of money to look cheap.” Similarly, it takes a lot of uncredited labor to portray the image of a breezy and effortless homemaker – something that only well-off women can afford. This is not to say that these “tradwife” women do not work hard, but their portrayal of homemaking is often the result of internalized misogyny and double standards. And while they may be living a dream life, what about the women who clean their houses? What happens when they go home to a less-than-perfect house and have to take on a “second shift” of work?
My own mother, who was on benefits, did not have the luxury of putting on a show of rustic contentment like most “tradwives” do. She often complained about the difficulty and exhaustion of managing household chores and taking care of us kids. Her experience would not fit into the content of a “tradwife,” despite technically being a homemaker.
The reality is that most people cannot afford to live the curated and stylized lives shown to us on social media. They are either a complete myth or a cleverly-positioned glimpse into a wealthy woman’s hobby. As someone who has played a part in creating the “tradwife” fantasy for others, I can assure you that most of us simply cannot afford to live like that. It is time we remember that and stop striving for an unattainable image of perfection.
In conclusion, the “tradwife” trend is not only unrealistic but also damaging to the majority of women. It sets unrealistic expectations and promotes a false narrative of the perfect homemaker, putting pressure on women to live up to a standard that is not achievable. Let’s celebrate all mothers, whether they work in the home or outside of it. And let’s remember that it takes a lot of hard work, compromises, and support to manage a household and raise a family, regardless of one’s gender or social status.
