When it comes to dating, everyone hopes for a perfect and smooth experience. But sometimes, that’s just not the case. Unfortunately, things don’t always go as planned, and a date can end up being a disaster. In these situations, it’s not uncommon for men to accuse women of using their ‘HR voice’ when communicating after the date. This refers to the use of formal and polite language, similar to the way someone would speak in a professional setting, such as a human resources meeting.
The rise of social media has made it easier for men to express their frustration and complain about this perceived shift in tone. However, the reality is that the women who use or encourage this ‘HR voice’ approach do it out of kindness and consideration. So, why is it that women tend to adopt this tone when it comes to rejecting someone they’ve dated?
Emily Durham, a Toronto-based career coach and former recruiter, shares her perspective. She says, “I’m the queen of a polite termination text.” In her experience, using HR-speak is her default way of communicating, especially when it comes to rejecting someone. “In times of stress, I default to speaking like I’m someone’s human resources manager, and that’s just how I am,” she adds.
For those who may not be familiar with HR-speak, it’s a language that involves using diplomatic and respectful language, even when delivering difficult news. This approach is often used in performance reviews, where criticism or feedback is given in a way that is kind and non-confrontational.
Durham explains that her approach is similar to the ‘sandwich method’ used in performance reviews. First, she thanks the person for their time and then compliments a character trait that she genuinely admires. After that, she tells them that she doesn’t feel a connection but wishes them all the best. If she feels the need to give constructive feedback, she does it in a respectful manner, keeping in mind the other person’s feelings. Her aim is not to hurt or offend anyone, but to end things on a positive note.
Using the ‘HR voice’ approach may seem strange to some, especially in a dating context. However, the truth is that it can be a kinder and safer way to reject someone. It allows for open communication while maintaining a level of respect and kindness towards the other person. Instead of ghosting or being rude, using HR-speak is a way to show consideration and empathy towards the other person’s feelings.
Moreover, using this approach can also help to avoid any potential conflict or negative reactions from the person being rejected. Often, when faced with rejection, people can become defensive and even aggressive. But by using HR-speak, the message is delivered in a way that is not confrontational or hurtful, reducing the chances of any negative reactions.
In a society where dating can be challenging and emotionally taxing, it’s essential to consider the impact of our words and actions on others. While it may be tempting to use harsh or dismissive language when rejecting someone, taking the time to communicate in a respectful and kind manner can make all the difference.
It’s also worth noting that the ‘HR voice’ approach is not just limited to women. Men can also use it when rejecting someone they’ve dated. In fact, using formal language is not restricted by gender, and anyone can adopt it as a way to communicate in a respectful and kind manner.
In conclusion, it’s time to change the narrative surrounding the use of ‘HR voice’ in dating. Instead of seeing it as a negative shift in communication, let’s view it as a kind and considerate approach to handling rejection. By using HR-speak, we can show empathy and kindness towards others, even in challenging situations. So, the next time you find yourself in a dating scenario, consider using the ‘HR voice’ approach, and who knows, it may just make the whole experience a little less awkward and more respectful for everyone involved.
