Boy and Girl Decorating Christmas Tree: Celebrating the Holidays as a Neurodivergent Family
Christmas is a time of magic and wonder, with cozy gatherings and a chance to exhale after a busy, perhaps difficult year. However, for some families, the holiday season can be overwhelming and challenging. The traditional ideas of Christmas may not work for those who live with autism and ADHD, making it difficult to fully enjoy the festivities. But this doesn’t mean that families like ours can’t celebrate in a way that works for us.
As a parent of a child with neurodivergent needs, I know all too well the feeling of dread that can come with the holiday season. The disruption of routine and the overstimulation of bright lights and long meals can be overwhelming for our loved ones. However, there are ways to celebrate Christmas that prioritize comfort, connection, and emotional safety, as suggested by clinical psychologist Dr. Selina Warlow from The Nook Clinic.
One of the key ways to enjoy Christmas as a neurodivergent family is by creating quiet rituals instead of busy gatherings. While the idea of having all our loved ones together in one place may sound lovely, it can be too much for some. Dr. Warlow advises swapping crowded events for quieter traditions, which can be transformative for families. Some ideas include going for a Christmas Eve walk, playing board games instead of party games, or watching films together under blankets. These activities offer a sense of connection without the sensory overload, and often become cherished rituals in their own right.
Another important aspect to consider is clothing. Being physically uncomfortable in scratchy, uncomfortable clothes while also being overstimulated is a recipe for disaster. As a result, many families, including mine, spend Christmas Day in pajamas. Dr. Warlow recommends prioritizing comfort by wearing pajamas or other comfortable clothing. She explains that comfort regulates the nervous system, which in turn supports a relaxed mind.
For many of us, routine and predictability are essential for our well-being. However, traditional Christmases often come with routines that can be overwhelming, such as fixed meal times, visiting certain people, and attending certain events. Dr. Warlow suggests creating schedules that support our needs, such as having meals when we are hungry, making shorter visits to loved ones, and leaving early without feeling guilty. It’s essential to remember that our comfort and enjoyment matter too, and we have the right to choose what we want to participate in and what we want to opt-out of.
Another way to make Christmas more inclusive for neurodivergent families is by letting go of the expectations and pressures to do what is considered “normal.” This can include attending festive markets, pantos, and elaborate cooking, which may not be enjoyable for everyone. Instead, we can focus on what we want to do and what brings us joy. Dr. Warlow reminds us that children remember feeling safe, not whether their family made the “right” choices. By creating traditions that work for us and our families, we can make the holiday season more about genuine connection and less about performance.
For children with autism, surprises can be overwhelming and challenging to handle. To mitigate this, Dr. Warlow advises limiting surprises and giving children control over the gifts they receive. Some families also choose not to wrap presents to support their child’s need for control and to avoid sensory overload from the ripping of paper. Additionally, spreading out gifting over several days or offering fewer, more thoughtful gifts can reduce pressure and prolong enjoyment for children who may struggle to regulate their responses.
As we celebrate Christmas, it’s essential to remember that every family is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. By embracing our family’s needs and designing our own traditions, we can make the holiday season more enjoyable and meaningful for everyone. As Dr. Warlow says, “Creating traditions that work for you and your family is possibly the most lasting gift you give one another.”
In conclusion, Christmas may not look the same for neurodivergent families, but that doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate and enjoy the holiday season in our own way. By prioritizing comfort, connection, and emotional safety, and letting go of expectations, we can create a Christmas that works for our families. So let’s embrace our unique needs and make this holiday season a time of genuine connection and joy for all. Wishing you a lovely and peaceful Christmas.
