Understanding the Four Ways the Body Reacts to Stress and How to Gain Control
We are all familiar with the concept of “fight or flight”, our body’s natural response to stress. However, this response is just one of four ways that the nervous system reacts to feeling overwhelmed or unsafe. As psychologists have identified, there are four innate reactions that can give us insight into how we cope with challenging situations: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.
According to Caitlyn Oscarson, a licensed marriage and family therapist, these four responses are automatic reactions ingrained in us that can show up in traumatic events as well as everyday stress. They are not conscious choices or personality traits, but rather survival strategies that our nervous system has developed to protect us.
What do these responses look like? When our bodies are in survival mode, we are not using the rational part of our brain, so our actions may not align with our usual values. Dr. Sue Varma, a board-certified psychiatrist and author of Practical Optimism, explains that each of these responses is an attempt at self-preservation and not a sign of weakness.
It is important to note that most people do not have just one stress response, and their automatic reaction may vary depending on the situation. For example, someone may fawn in the workplace but freeze at home. Hence, the goal is to help our nervous system understand that it has options and to develop flexibility in our responses. None of the four stress responses is inherently better or worse than the others.
“The ‘four F’s’ are adaptive and often develop early in life,” explains Lora Dudley, a licensed clinical social worker. “With mindfulness and therapy, we can learn to be more flexible and have more options to address stressful situations.”
So let’s take a closer look at each of these four responses, how they manifest, and what they may indicate about our past experiences and learned behaviors.
Fight
In the fight response, we may feel angry, irritable, or defensive. We may have a strong need to control a situation, argue, or push back. This is the “come at me” response, as Erin Pash, a licensed marriage and family therapist, describes it. We may become physically aggressive or tense, yell, or become argumentative in moments of disagreement or stress.
But it is important to note that the fight response does not necessarily mean that a person is aggressive or violent. Oscarson explains that it is a sign that their nervous system is activating under threat, and they have learned that taking action is necessary for self-protection. In fact, those who lean towards this response may have a strong sense of justice, fairness, and leadership skills. Their past experiences may have taught them that pushing back and standing their ground is the way to feel safe.
Flight
The flight response is characterized by attempts to escape from a threatening situation. This can show up as passiveness, avoidance, or distraction. For example, we may put off or deflect emotional conversations, cancel plans, ghost people, or suddenly become busy when faced with conflict. We may also feel restless, unable to sit still, or have an urge to run away.
Natalie Moore, a therapist, explains that in the wild, this response looks like actual running, whereas in modern times, it manifests as emotional running away. This could mean ghosting a friend who hurt our feelings, avoiding intimacy in a relationship, or running away from our problems through addictive or numbing behaviors.
Pash adds that those who lean towards the flight response might also need constant distractions, such as screens or video games. This response is often paired with anxiety and hyper-vigilance, constantly scanning for exits and threats.
The flight response often develops from past experiences where leaving or avoiding a situation actually made us safer. It could also be a result of our caregivers’ behaviors, where we learned to anticipate and avoid conflict to keep ourselves safe.
Freeze
The freeze response is often misunderstood, but it is a very common response to stress. In this state, we may shut down, become numb, or experience indecisiveness. Our mind may go blank, or we may dissociate, become physically immobile, and experience procrastination. Freeze often manifests as avoiding conflict, shutting down during arguments, or feeling stuck.
Doreen Dodgen-Magee, a psychologist, explains that this response is an attempt to pause or go unnoticed when there is no way to escape the
