Sleeping with your partner is often portrayed as the ultimate romantic act, spending the night tangled in each other’s arms and drifting off to sleep together. But is this really beneficial for our sleep? As it turns out, this may not always be the case.
In fact, in my own relationship, we struggled to get a good night’s sleep until we started sleeping with separate duvets. It was a game-changer for us. This made me wonder, does sleeping next to your partner really improve your sleep? To find out, I spoke with Dr. Ritz Birah, a psychologist and sleep expert from Panda London.
According to Dr. Birah, sharing a bed with your partner can be beneficial for your sleep, but romance doesn’t necessarily play a role in it. She explains, “Differences in chronotype, movement during the night, snoring, temperature preferences, or bedtime routines can disrupt sleep quality. Psychologically, these repeated disruptions can create tension and resentment, which can ultimately decrease the sense of safety and comfort that sharing a bed is supposed to provide. In my clinical work, I often see couples who deeply care for each other but are exhausted due to misaligned sleep needs.”
It seems that sleeping together is a delicate balance of lifestyle, routine, and consideration. Dr. Birah adds, “Successful co-sleeping involves a mix of emotional closeness and practical adjustments that protect the rest of both partners. When couples prioritize sleep as a shared value rather than an inconvenience, sharing a bed can be restorative rather than draining.”
The intimacy of a relationship can also have a positive impact on sleep. Dr. Birah explains, “From a psychological perspective, feeling emotionally safe plays a significant role in how well we sleep. When we share a bed with a partner we trust, the brain registers safety rather than threat, which can reduce hypervigilance and anxiety, making it easier for the nervous system to relax. This sense of security also leads to increased oxytocin release, a hormone involved in bonding and stress regulation, and reduced cortisol, which supports relaxation and sleep onset.”
For some of us, just knowing that our partner is nearby is enough to help us sleep better. However, for many couples, there may be some work to do before they can reap the full benefits of sharing a bed. Dr. Birah offers practical tips to improve sleep when co-sleeping as a couple:
1. Align your wind-down routines: Similar bedtimes and calming pre-sleep rituals can help your nervous systems transition into rest mode.
2. Customize your comfort: Consider using separate duvets or layers of bedding so that each partner can regulate their own temperature without disturbing the other.
3. Address temperature differences: If you and your partner have different temperature preferences, try keeping the bedroom slightly cooler and have individual layers of bedding available for each of you.
4. Take sleep disruptions seriously: If one partner snores, is restless, or makes noise during the night, it’s important to address these disruptions early on, as they can severely impact both partners’ sleep and overall well-being.
5. Allow space after connection: While physical closeness can be soothing before falling asleep, most people sleep better when they have some physical space once they’ve settled in.
Sleep is a vital aspect of our overall health and well-being, and it should not be compromised for the sake of being close to our partner. By making the right adjustments and prioritizing sleep as a shared value, couples can experience the positive benefits of co-sleeping without sacrificing their individual needs. So, rest up and enjoy a good night’s sleep together!
