As someone who has gone through the awkward and uncomfortable experience of puberty as a teenage girl, I can relate to the struggles of growing up and being perceived by others. It’s a time when our bodies are changing, acne seems to appear out of nowhere, and our emotions are all over the place.
So when I came across a story on the /r/RelationshipAdvice subreddit, it really took me back to those days. A mother of two shared her concerns about her husband’s recent comment to their eleven-year-old daughter. She wrote, “My husband and I have been married for twelve years, and we have two daughters. The eldest is eleven, and the youngest is eight. He’s a great dad, and the girls love him. But recently he said something which I think was extremely hurtful to my eldest daughter.”
At first, I thought, well, we all make mistakes and slip up sometimes. If he’s generally a good dad, he just needs to own up to what he said and apologize, right? But as I read on, my jaw dropped.
The mother continued, “He told her that she needs to shave herself, and I’m really annoyed at him for saying that to her. If she was insecure about it, I would be completely comfortable with her shaving if she wanted to. She doesn’t seem bothered by it, and we live in a cold climate anyway.”
Hmmm. This is a tricky situation. On one hand, we all have different ideas of what is and isn’t appropriate to discuss with our children. But as the mother pointed out, “I don’t see any reason to plant an insecurity in her mind about something that doesn’t even matter.”
She also shared, “I’ve raised both of my daughters not to be ashamed of themselves, and I feel that having my daughter shave would make her feel that way. She should only start shaving when she wants to, not when someone thinks she should be.”
I can understand where the mother is coming from. It’s important to raise our children to be confident and comfortable in their own skin. And as the mother mentioned, living in a cold climate means that body hair is not really an issue. But at the same time, it’s also important to respect our children’s choices and let them make their own decisions.
It’s clear that this is a difficult situation for the family to navigate. As the mother said, “It’s bothered me so much that he’s said this, I couldn’t imagine how I would’ve felt at my daughter’s age being told that. I’ve talked to him about it, but he just doesn’t think it’s a big deal. I’m not sure why it is to me, but I just don’t know what he was thinking saying that to her and I’m not sure how to get over this.”
I can completely understand why the mother is upset and struggling to move past this. It’s not easy to see our children being hurt or potentially developing insecurities because of something someone else said. But it’s also important to have open and honest communication with our partners and find a way to address the issue together.
One commenter, Heathercs34, summed it up perfectly when she said, “I recently heard my best friend berate her husband over some disparaging comment he made to their teen. She said something like – she’ll be judged by men her whole life, and I’ll be damned if I’ll stand by and let her father talk to her like that. Have some respect!”
This is a powerful reminder that as parents, we have a responsibility to protect and support our children, especially when it comes to their self-esteem and body image. We need to be mindful of the words we use and the impact they can have on our children.
This story also sheds light on the issue of eldest daughter syndrome, where the eldest child is often held to higher standards and expectations compared to their younger siblings. It’s important for parents to be aware of this and treat all their children equally, without imposing unfair expectations or judgments.
In the end, it’s crucial for parents to have open and honest communication with their children, especially during their teenage years. It’s a time when they are going through so many changes and need our support and understanding the most. Let’s raise our children to be confident and comfortable in their own skin, and let them make their own choices when it comes to their bodies.
As for the mother in this story,
