How Much Sex is “Too Little” in a Relationship? Here’s What You Need to Know
In today’s society, there is a lot of pressure to have a fulfilling and active sex life in a relationship. But what happens when that doesn’t happen? How much sex is considered “too little” and what can you do about it? Let’s explore this topic further.
According to some researchers, only 26% of couples have sex once a week, despite the common belief that people are having sex much more frequently. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and worry about the health of the relationship. But, as licensed sexologist, relationship therapist, and author at Passionerad, Sofie Roos, explains, sex frequency and sexual satisfaction are two different things.
It is important to understand that desire is not a static feeling. It can change over time due to various factors such as stress, physical and mental well-being, and overall life situations. This is especially true in long-term relationships where couples may start taking each other’s love for granted and stop putting in effort to keep the desire alive.
Roos suggests that couples should widen their definition of intimacy to keep the spark alive. This means that solely defining desirability by the frequency of wild and spontaneous sex may not be the best approach in a long-term relationship. However, this does not mean that you should settle for a dead bedroom or a partner who does not make an effort.
So, how can you talk to your partner about not feeling desired? Roos advises using “I” statements and focusing on your own feelings rather than blaming your partner. It is important to choose the right moment to have this conversation and to approach it with curiosity rather than defensiveness. Ask open-ended questions and be prepared for complex answers. Remember, the goal is not to accuse your partner but to open up a discussion about emotional and physical intimacy.
If you want to bring the desire back into your relationship, Roos suggests trying to be intimate without any expectations or goals. Flirt more, spend quality time together, and give genuine compliments that are not just about practical things. Overall, invest more time and energy into your relationship and give it some time to see a difference. If this does not work, it may be helpful to seek the guidance of a relationship therapist.
Lastly, it is important to remember that a decrease in desire does not mean a decrease in love. It simply means that you need to work on appreciating and nurturing the love that already exists between you. The passion and desire are still there; you just need to find ways to spark it. As Roos puts it, “the gasoline is there, you just need to spark it better so your fire can shine stronger and warmer!”
In conclusion, there is no set amount of sex that is considered “too little” in a relationship. Each couple is unique and what works for one may not work for another. Instead of focusing on the frequency of sex, it is important to prioritize emotional and physical intimacy in a relationship. Communication, understanding, and effort are key to keeping desire alive and maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
