Curveball Divorces: The Reality and How to Handle Them
Recently, British Vogue reported on the rise of ‘curveball divorces’, with one 31-year-old woman sharing that her husband left her only six months into their marriage, when she thought things were going well. She said, “I thought people who got divorced were in their 40s and 50s, with children to co-parent, and family homes. I didn’t think that divorce happened to people who were just starting their life with someone. My world totally collapsed in on itself.”
This story is unfortunately becoming more common, with many couples experiencing the shock and devastation of a curveball divorce. But what exactly are curveball divorces and how are they handled from a legal perspective? We spoke to Cara Nuttall, Head of Family Law at Brabners Personal, to find out the reality behind these divorces and how to navigate them.
What are Curveball Divorces?
Nuttall explains, “Recently, there has been a reported rise in so-called “curveball divorces,” in which one partner is blindsided by the other’s desire to end what may appear to be a flawless marriage. While any divorce carries a heavy emotional toll, the shock is especially acute when one partner has already begun (and sometimes finished) the grieving process while the other is left reeling, unprepared for the rupture of their shared life.”
This makes a lot of sense. In fact, according to leading mental health charity Mind, 28% of people experience depression following their divorce and the sudden shock that accompanies a curveball divorce could certainly lead to mental health struggles.
The Legal Process of Curveball Divorces
As no-fault divorces were introduced in 2022, the divorce process in this scenario is largely unchanged from that of an ‘expected’ divorce. However, Nuttall advises that it can sometimes take a little longer. She says, “Shock or emotional distress may mean they need more time to consult a lawyer, gather documents, or understand their rights, and feel they need longer to prepare emotionally before certain milestones like the condition and final orders of divorce are made.”
This disparity in emotional readiness can also impact how quickly people are prepared to move proceedings along. “Someone who has gone into the process having mentally prepared for life post-divorce will usually feel able to make decisions about the division of assets much more quickly than someone who has not yet had the opportunity to come to terms with it,” Nuttall adds.
What to Do If Your Ex Isn’t Ready to Start the Divorce Proceedings
This kind of shock can take some time to recover from and Nuttall encourages people to be empathetic in their approach. She says, “Even a small measure of patience and understanding, from both the initiating partner and the lawyer handling the divorce case, can make a profound difference in the long term. I have seen frustrations over the pace of progress boil over, and lead to greater problems and be counter-productive. Sometimes, a gentler pace in the early stages will lead to a quicker and easier resolution overall; pushing too forcefully can be ‘one step forward, two steps back.’”
Taking Care of Your Mental Health
Finally, Nuttall encourages people to look after their mental health during this difficult time. She says, “For those in this position who are struggling, they should be reminded that seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness, and taking care of your mental and emotional well-being ultimately benefits both you, your partner, and your children.”
Help and Support
If you or someone you know is going through a curveball divorce and needs support, there are resources available. Mind offers a helpline open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393. Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill). CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service. The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email [email protected]. Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its
